Ba'naam Fareha
Fareha. Tum poochho usse pehle bata doon ki Fareha naam maine Jaun se liya hai. Fareha Jaun ki pehli adhhoru muhabbat ka naam tha. Jaun ne Fareha ke liya bohat kuch likha hai, kisi kisi mushaire mein Jaun ne Fareha ko bohat yaad bhi kiya hai. Mujh mein aur Jaun mein jo ek farq hai is maamle mein wo ye bhi hai ki main abhi bhi sar-e-aam tumhara naam lene mein hichakta hoon. SHayad Jaun bhi hichakte ho, isiliye shayad un mehfilo’n mein wo alag surror mein rehte the.
Fareha, main aksar tumahre baarre mein sochta hoon. Ab utna nahi soochta jitna pehle sochta tha par abhi bhi kayi dafa kisi gaane se, kisi jagah se, kisi aawaz se, tum yaad aa he jaati ho. Jaise Jaun ne kaha tha kabhi ki “kya sitam hai ki teri soorat, ab yaad karne par yaad aati hai”, waise he ab kuch waqr lagta hai tasavvur mein tumhara khaaka kheechne mein. Tumhara muskurahat ki parchhahiyan bachi hain bas zehen, tumhari aawaz ki kirchanein hai jinhe jod jod kar tumhari hasi ki khanak yaad karte hain. Tumhari khushboo, wo ek alag mehroomi hai jo badi khalti hai. Mujhe nahi pata ki tumhari mehek kaisi hai to main kabhi baarish ki geeli mittei mein, kabhi cafe mein rakhi garam coffee mein, kabhi narm taazi ghaas mein aur kabhi puraani kitab ki khushboo mein tumhe dhoondhta rehta hoon. Zindagi mein insan ko kisi sawal ka jawab nahi milta to kaha jaata hai ki aakhirat mein mil jaayega, haalanki mujhe lagta hai ki baad qayamat bhi main isi kashmakashmein jhulasta rahoonga.
Fareha, main aksar sochta hoon ki meri khushiya tumhare havale se kitni badnaseeb hain. Ek to tumhari taraf se khushiyon ka koi sabab nahi banta, na kabhi milna hota hai na he kabhi baat cheet hoti hai. Doosra ye ki iske alawa jo cchoti moti khushiyan milti bhi hain wo tumhari sohbat ke bina he kharch ho jaati hain. Is baat ka matlab ye nahi ki mujhe koi na-shuqra-pan hai apni khushiyo ko le kar. Bas ek kasak hai ki agar tum saath hoti to ye khud he do-baala ho jaati. Mere liye isse badi shayad koi baat na ho ki tum meri khushi mein shaamil ho, aur agar meri khushi mein tumhari bhi khushi shaamil ho to aisi ek khushi par laakh jannatein qurbaan. Ise koi shikyayto khat bhi na samajhna, bas ek baat thi jo dil se nikaalni thi. Zaati zindagi mein to yun he chhoti moti nemato’n se khushiyan banani pad jaati hai. Kisi din is baat ki khushi ki aaj khaana achha mila, kisi din maa baap aur behen ke saath ki khushi ya kisi din sahi salamt aur sehat-mand hone ki khushi. Iske alawa zindagi ka ek bada hissa, jo ki asal mein tumhare naam ho sakta tha, naukri ke naam ho chuka hai. Is mein bhi khushiya kam he hui par bada afsos tha ki wo tumhare saath nahi thi. Iski sab se badi misal humari tumhari birthday hai. Ek afsurdagi ye ki humari birthday mein tum saath nahi hoti, doosri ye ki tumhari bairthday mein hum chaah kar bhi tumhare saath nahi ho sakte. Chaahe ek he shehr mein ho, ek he gali mein ya phir meelo’n door, majaal hai kabhi kahin ittefaq se saamna ho jaaye. Ittefaq se milne ki he ummeed hai kyunki tadbeer kar ke to milna namumkin sa hai. Iske alawa aur bhi ruswaiyan hain, mas’lan nayi jagah hijrat mein tumhara kisi bhi pehlu mein saath na hona.
Ek aur baat jo mujhe bohat khalti hai wo hai ye hum dono ke darmiyan aamad-o-raft ki kami. Haan haan maloom hai ki tumhare liye mushkil lafz hai, matlab communication. Dheere dheere saari baatein sirf birthday ki mubarakbaad tak reh gayin hain. Na Eid, na naya saal na kisi aur mauke par baat hoti hai. Angrezi mein kahawat hai ki “distance makes the heart grow fonder”. Humare darmiyaan itni khamoshiyan aa chuki hain ki shayad koi baat ho he na sake. ZIndagi sabr se jeeti jaati hai, hum sabr mein sab kho chuke hain. Mujhe sach mein ta’ajjub hota hai ki kaise tum bas ek birthday wish kar ke chali jaati ho. Tumhara dil nahi karta ki kabhi uske alawa kuch poochh lo? DIn kaisa jaa raha ? Kahan birthday mana rahe? Kya gift mile? Kaun kaun hai saaht mein? tum khush ho? Ya aisa kuch bhi jisse ye na lage ki tum udhaar utaar rahi ho? Tumhara message dekh kar khushi bohat hoti thi par ab lagta hai jaise bojh halka kiya gaya hai agle saal tak ka. Kabhi kabhi sochta hoon ki ek saal tumhe he wish na karoon aur dekhoon ki kya tumhari ubarakbaad aati hai ya nahi.
Upar likhi kisi baat ka tumhe bura laga ho to maafi chaahta hoon. Waise bhi tum kahan ye kabhi padh paogi, mere baaki khutoot kitraha, mere baaki jazbaato’n ki tarah. Meri to bas yahi dua hai ki mera intezar aur umeed dono he khatam ho jaaye. Par ab intezar mein he maza aane laga hai. DIl ko ye sukkon hai ki zindagi mein upar neeche kuch bhi jaaye tumhari raqbat ki ummeed se badi koi aazmaayish nahi aayegi. Khayal aata hai ki jab tum apna sab kuch daanv par laga kar kisi aise ke intezar mein reh sakte ho jo sab jaante hue bhi tumhe us mayaar ka pyaar na de sake to isse bura tumhare saath kya he ho sakta hai? Bas ye soch kar saari aafatein sanwaar lete hain. Koi cheez haath mein aate aate reh jaati hai to tumhara soch kar sabr kar lete hain. Abhi tak aisa koi gham mila he nahi jo is ektarfa muhabbat se bada raha ho. Faiz ne jab ye kaha tha ki “aur bhi gham hai muhabbat ke siva”, to ek tarah se wo sahi the. AUr bhi gham hai par tumhari berukhi se bada shaayad he koi aur ho.